Last night I met up with my pal, actor Charles Gerber for dinner and a movie. Charles was recently widowed and is still grieving his beloved Carol. She was only fifty three when cancer took her. He wrote a beautiful poem a few days before she passed which I would like to share with you.

IT'S NOT THAT IT COMPLETELY SUCKS

IT'S NOT THAT IT COMPLETELY SUCKS.
IT'S NOT.
IT SUCKS, TO BE SURE,
HARD AND LONG.
IT SUCKS THE HEART.
IT SUCKS THE BLOOD.
IT SUCKS THE BRAIN,
SO MUCH SO THAT I SEEM TO BE
IN A STATE OF PERPETUAL CROSS-EYEDNESS,
AND SO IT'S DIFFICULT TO SEE CLEARLY,
TO SAY THE LEAST.

IT'S PAINFUL.
PALPABLY.
IN THE HEAD,
ON THE CHEST,
IN THE STOMACH.
I DARE NOT TAKE HER REMEDIES FOR PAIN
AS THEY'D PREVENT ME SOME FROM EASING HERS.

AND SO,
IT SUCKS.....YET NOT COMPLETELY,
SINCE SHE KNOWS I'M HERE,
AND QUIETLY REJOICES IN THAT KNOWLEDGE;
AS DO I.
AND I SEE IN HER EYES WHICH I'VE KNOWN NEAR THREE DECADES
A LOVE AND A TRUST I'VE NOT SEEN THERE BEFORE.
AND AS THIS MONSTER SUCKS THE LIFE
FROM HER SLOWLY,
INEXORABLY, UNPARDONABLY,
A LIGHT IS GROWING IN INTENSITY AND STRENGTH.
IT'S FURNISHED WITHIN HER AND WITHIN ME
AND FROM THE DAILY, ALMOST HOURLY
SURGES OF LOVE FROM AFAR,
AND VERY NEAR,
PERCEIVING WHAT IS DRAINED,
BUT ALSO WHAT'S REPLENISHED.

AND SO, IT’S NOT THAT IT COMPLETELY SUCKS.
IT MERELY SUCKS ENOUGH
TO BREAK OUR HEARTS.
YET PERHAPS, I PRAY,
MEND OUR SOULS.
with my beloved Carol, 5-10-08.....Charles E. Gerber    

Charles lives on the West Side, and we ate in a Balinese restaurant beneath his apartment, and then took in The Wackedness, which I totally hated. The performances and direction were brilliant, but the characters were all stoned, and being in my fourteenth year of sobriety it’s not subject matter that I relish. I really wanted to leave but didn’t like to offend Charles, so stuck it out. Afterwards we had ice cream. The one benefit of stress is that I can eat whatever I want without gaining weight. If I do happen to put on a pound or two, just one day in court melts it away rapidly!

Charles & Me


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I was scrolling through my cellphone and came across ICE – in case of emergency. Philip was the contact listed. I have no one to replace him with. Isn’t that sad? If something happens to me there’s no one I can think of to contact. I think ICE is the saddest word in the whole wide world.

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I had my color done today by colorist extraordinaire, Vincent, at the Elizabeth Arden Salon at Saks, Fifth Avenue. He’s hairdresser to the stars, and also Diane Sawyers personal colorist.  He’s on the set of GMA every morning without fail to flounce up Diane’s tresses. Vince is the greatest and I love him.

Vince & Me

Anyway – all is quiet on the Western Front as they say, and I am gearing up for next week. I’m on Geraldo Sunday night – live. I like live because whenever I’m edited I get screwed. For instance – in New York Magazine there’s a paragraph; She somehow couldn’t make it to those court-appointed-therapist appointments and lost joint custody. Scheduled to see Jamie on weekends and holidays, maybe she’d be five minutes late, she says. “When you have a child on the weekend, it’s not the same as having a child in daily life and taking them to school. You have to entertain them. So it’s like museums. Yeah, it was horrible,” she admits.

What I actually said was; court-appointed therapist appointments would be scheduled for days when I was at the other end of the country appearing in my play Bonkers. The courts refused to reschedule.  I also told the journalist; I would go to collect my son Jamie on a Friday night and he wouldn’t be there. My husbands excuse for Jamie not being home was that I was five minutes late. I then said; it was horrible.
So you can see how my words were taken out of context and misinterpreted, giving the impression that I'm an uncaring mother.

That’s why I love YouTube and my blog! No one can mess with my truth!